Phoenix - the Insilico tales - chapter 6 - "Lost Child"
(originally posted 6/13/2011)
Phoenix looked at the camera, closed her eyes, and sighed. She'd been working on this for hours.
Tokuma didn't understand the relationship between Caitlin and Phoenix when they took her away. For all they knew, Phoenix was a rehab buddy. They had no idea That Phoenix had spent several days inside Caitlin's body before she was born. They didn't know Cait taught her to walk, how to eat, and how to live. The peril of living within secrets within secrets within secrets - they didn't know they were tearing a child's mother away from her.
Once she was accepted into Tokuma, the information began to flow. Phoenix was told Cait was on Mars, and that she was OK. There was even the possibility, subject to the discretion of the commander in charge of Caitlin, that a video message might be delivered. And so now Phoenix had to act like a roommate; a friend, sending a message of encouragement to an inmate she just happened to know, casually.
Phoenix had tried several times, but each time the hurt of a lost child bubbled to the surface, and she would find herself doubled over in the bizarre, tearless sobs her new body afforded her to vent her emotion. Secrets or not, however, it would not help Caitlin to see her daughter in agony.
"Come on, Phee, you can do this. Upbeat, upbeat. This is like visiting a sick family member in the hospital. You don't burden them with your pain."
Phoenix calmed her mind, opened her eyes, and clicked on the video camera.
...
Phoenix' image blinks into existence. She is smiling ebulliently, fusses with her hair, straightens her back, looks down, and brushes her hair aside from her Tokuma lapel pin. Takes a dramatic breath and begins...
"Dear Caitlin..... I wanted to send you a message and let you know that I am OK. When you ,ah, left, all you knew is that I was jobless and disabled. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to have to go away and leave me like that. I wanted to let you know that the Tokuma family has accepted me *grins proudly* ... combat medic in training, if you can believe it... *laughs*
I've been able to get the apartment lease in my name. I took care of the syntheses you had running as best I can - I don't have your chemistry expertise, but I tried to make sure nothing would explode while you are away. Let me think... what else .... *taps her lips for a few minutes but can't think of anything.*
Cait. I don't know what you are going through on Mars. I read through Dawn's writings in the days before she died, and one theme kept coming up over and over again - how no matter what she was going through, it was always better for her to live in each and every moment - just right then in the now. You have a now to reflect on and experience. For that reason alone, your now is precious - wherever you are, whatever you are doing. Please don't worry about me. Live in the moment you have.
I'm surrounded by the love of the family now. Everyone's fussing over me, making sure I'm ok, helping me with my training, etc. Whatever you feel about Tokuma right now, please keep that in mind.
I don't have any expectation of a reply to this, so if they don't let you send a message back to me, don't be upset. There will be time enough to talk to me when you get back.
I love you Cait. Tokuma Heavy Industries Medical Officer Phoenix signing off"
Phoenix flashes a silly grin, reaches over to one side, and the image goes blank.
...
Phoenix doubled over, mouth agape, clutching her chest and convulsing oddly as her metal body attempted to process her brain's command to weep.
But no tears came.
Phoenix looked at the camera, closed her eyes, and sighed. She'd been working on this for hours.
Tokuma didn't understand the relationship between Caitlin and Phoenix when they took her away. For all they knew, Phoenix was a rehab buddy. They had no idea That Phoenix had spent several days inside Caitlin's body before she was born. They didn't know Cait taught her to walk, how to eat, and how to live. The peril of living within secrets within secrets within secrets - they didn't know they were tearing a child's mother away from her.
Once she was accepted into Tokuma, the information began to flow. Phoenix was told Cait was on Mars, and that she was OK. There was even the possibility, subject to the discretion of the commander in charge of Caitlin, that a video message might be delivered. And so now Phoenix had to act like a roommate; a friend, sending a message of encouragement to an inmate she just happened to know, casually.
Phoenix had tried several times, but each time the hurt of a lost child bubbled to the surface, and she would find herself doubled over in the bizarre, tearless sobs her new body afforded her to vent her emotion. Secrets or not, however, it would not help Caitlin to see her daughter in agony.
"Come on, Phee, you can do this. Upbeat, upbeat. This is like visiting a sick family member in the hospital. You don't burden them with your pain."
Phoenix calmed her mind, opened her eyes, and clicked on the video camera.
...
Phoenix' image blinks into existence. She is smiling ebulliently, fusses with her hair, straightens her back, looks down, and brushes her hair aside from her Tokuma lapel pin. Takes a dramatic breath and begins...
"Dear Caitlin..... I wanted to send you a message and let you know that I am OK. When you ,ah, left, all you knew is that I was jobless and disabled. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to have to go away and leave me like that. I wanted to let you know that the Tokuma family has accepted me *grins proudly* ... combat medic in training, if you can believe it... *laughs*
I've been able to get the apartment lease in my name. I took care of the syntheses you had running as best I can - I don't have your chemistry expertise, but I tried to make sure nothing would explode while you are away. Let me think... what else .... *taps her lips for a few minutes but can't think of anything.*
Cait. I don't know what you are going through on Mars. I read through Dawn's writings in the days before she died, and one theme kept coming up over and over again - how no matter what she was going through, it was always better for her to live in each and every moment - just right then in the now. You have a now to reflect on and experience. For that reason alone, your now is precious - wherever you are, whatever you are doing. Please don't worry about me. Live in the moment you have.
I'm surrounded by the love of the family now. Everyone's fussing over me, making sure I'm ok, helping me with my training, etc. Whatever you feel about Tokuma right now, please keep that in mind.
I don't have any expectation of a reply to this, so if they don't let you send a message back to me, don't be upset. There will be time enough to talk to me when you get back.
I love you Cait. Tokuma Heavy Industries Medical Officer Phoenix signing off"
Phoenix flashes a silly grin, reaches over to one side, and the image goes blank.
...
Phoenix doubled over, mouth agape, clutching her chest and convulsing oddly as her metal body attempted to process her brain's command to weep.
But no tears came.
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